___the stress
I thought the stress to perform or the stress to do well and even better than the rest would be gone once I graduated from school, from band and from the world of a student. I guess I didn't realise that work has that same element of proving yourself too. I wanted to just enjoy my work in its essence, to not worry about that fighting spirit. But I guess I can't anymore.
It's a bit depressing when someone tells you straight in the face that you have fallen short of expectations. It's more so when you think you have worked hard and not many people have seen it but I'm not the kind who will go claim credit for my work. It's even more so when people newer than you seem to be more well-liked for their job performance because they seem to be more serious and adept at their job. Sometimes things aren't just what they seem on the surface and I guess I'm just not satisfied taking all of this lying down. It irks me when I'm judged like that on a basis which I don't agree on and when I'm being perpetually compared to others.
I'm glad I have a good friend in my workplace (a newfound auntie too) for me to talk to. Maybe I'm resistant to change because I don't like the feeling of an influx of newcomers, and this new friend of mine is an anchor for me to lean on. I miss cindy too and I want her to come back soon! Sometimes I realise it's getting harder to trust people, and cindy is one of those I can trust especially about work stuff. Not everything can be shared with everyone because there are always secret politics going on, and I don't like sharing if I don't feel like it anyway. So I'm just blessed that there's cindy around and this new friend of mine.
timecheck: 9:52 AM
