Wednesday, January 24, 2007
___my stupidity
I always feel used at times. Being manipulated by people's wishes and requests, doing things I don't feel like doing for the sake of others. Working like shit yet being unappreciated, going out of my way beyond what I should do yet end up being the loser. I feel like I'm really being used and somehow all of it just points to how stupid and naive I am.
A classic example of how stupid I can be is when I gave my handphone number to this couple who came to talk to me just now on the MRT. They asked me where I bought my bag from, and I told them it was from taiwan. Then we continued chatting and under the illusion of being friends, they asked for my number and I gave it to them. How stupid could I get? They might be conmen or even ax murderers. I didnt't know them AT ALL. Sometimes I marvel at how naive I am. How easily people gain my trust and how easily I believe in the goodness of people. And it's because I believe that people are good that's why I gladly allow myself to be manipulated because I didn't even think it was manipulation in the first place.
Ah oh well, I just hope that the couple disappears from my life forever. I don't want to end up in the headlines for being cheated by 2 conmen or have my number splashed over posters for paid sex! And I hope I become smarter enough to practise what I really want to - to not let myself be forced to do things I don't want to do. Because it gives me the feeling of being manipulated and I hate that. Anyway, I just want to say that I really really appreciate all my friends for still lingering on in my life. For the few meetings every week with you all, for the smiles that you all bring to my stressful working life. I always feel happier after seeing such familiar faces, people who are dear to my heart.
timecheck: 11:08 PM
