Tuesday, October 25, 2005
___stress
Playing in the rock band is stressing me out. I'm not a good drumset player, and will possibly never be. That's why I find it so hard to play in a rock band, as it requires a certain sense of familiarity with the drumset, which I don't think I possess yet. Yet skills can always be learnt. What is seriously stressing me out is the fact that I'm playing with people whom I don't know at all.
High expectations placed on me coupled with a certain sense of distance and slight hostility (because I'm the odd one out) has made me feel quite helpless. I don't dare to make mistakes, and I sense exasperated stares boring into my back when I do. I feel restrained. Playing with the band is so much more comfortable, because they are all people whom I know. I'm able to laugh at my own mistakes and play with joy in my heart, because I enjoy playing as one band.
Sometimes when you see people not really bothering about something, you feel like there's no point for you to bother about it too and you just leave it all aside. You feel irritated by this apparent lack of a sense of urgency, but you seriously think there's no need for you to get uptight about it all and waste your energy trying to get people to do things.
I'm rather tired and weary from everything. How I hope things can iron themselves out without me even attending to them. hahas. Just looking forward to the success of the Band-it Concert. Please start to purchase tickets from any band member!
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