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I feel blanked out at this moment in my life. Blindly enduring each day. I really want to feel happy every day, to be carefree and relaxed. Yet it's so hard when I think too much, when I can't leave matters unsettled, when I worry over how people treat me.
Sometimes I feel life seriously sarks for me. All I do is live my life teetering on a line of worry over everyone and everything. Well, except for studies. How I wish at times that I can just throw all my cares down and live a life that has ME as the central character. Yet I know I can never do that. I'm too much of a people-person, and I can never care about myself only. Perhaps it's just an instinct of mine to be concerned about other people's lives.
Band is the only thing that's cheering me up. My love, my joy, my pride. So every morning, I go joyfully to band and after exiting the bandroom and wandering around NJ for some time, I become withdrawn and dejected.
I miss my old friendships at times. Had a really good talk with you. It just made me so happy that day.
timecheck: 8:09 AM
