___changes
I just don't know why but there's an empty feeling in me. I sort of feel numb now about all the major changes that are going on in my life. Perhaps it hasn't sunk into me yet that Cassandra's leaving NJ for RJ, that Yihong is doing the same too, that 05A02 is most probably going to split up. I feel kind of upset, but the full impact isn't there yet. It isn't going to be until everything actually happens. And that's when I'll be really upset.
Sigh. My closest friend in the class is leaving. Everyone else gets to have their close friend with them in NJ still, except for me. What can I do except treasure the time I'm spending with Cassie now. I didn't expect myself to make such a good friend in such a short time here in NJ. A friend who does ridiculously stupid things with me, who laughs with me and appreciates my lameness, who shares the same thoughts with me about other people, who tolerates my confusion which leads to my whining at times. I remember the time when we climbed the gate so as to get out of the school before 1 pm! That's like the most hilarious, daring and yet REALLY stupid thing that we did together. Lot of memories are flooding my mind now. Your blur dancing with me during orientation, your crazy uninhibited laughter, the way you make up names for all the guys, the strange obsession you have about hating people for touching your sleeve, the times when you wanted to give me a 'walnut', the buying of Rotiboy for me, the MANY times when you pulled me to the toilet. I can't think of reasons why you sark at times now, just that I know you do. haha. But I love you anyway. Thanks for leaving so many memories with me, but I still think you are really so heartless as to leave me! Sigh. There isn't much I can do anyway.
The feeling of exhilaration and enthusiasm about 05A02 seems to be dying down, just like a flickering flame. It's a lamentable fact, one which I can't help admitting to. I don't want to feel like that, but I am as the days pass and splitting up seems so inevitable. Maybe it's good to have change, and I sort of want it. Because I think I'll most probably feel left out if 05A02 remains and yet Cassie leaves. But I know I'll miss my class so damn much. I'll miss all the memories we have built up together, all the laughter we have shared. Such contradictory feelings that I'm experiencing now, so much so that I truly don't know what to expect when the posting results are out. People around me, please tolerate me if I start whining about my life - I just need to vent my frustration and confusion.
timecheck: 6:19 AM